


Escalation

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Gem Egg Hell, Gem Sex, Humor, Irony, Making Out, Movie Night, Netflix and Chill, Parody, Porn Watching, Pregnancy, Rough Kissing, Sexual Frustration, Short One Shot, Shout-outs, Time Skips, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-11 21:04:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16860277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Diamonds are introduced to the wonders of Netflix.





	Escalation

**Author's Note:**

> No, I have never seen (nor do I ever intend to see) _Blue Is The Warmest Color_. Then again, this story _is_ supposed to be a crack, so...

Ruling and working all the time on Homeworld was pretty boring, right?

That's exactly why Steven had wanted to give Blue and Yellow Diamond a very special gift so that they could kick back and relax when they had the time!

"What is 'Ne _t_... _f_ lix'?" asked Yellow Pearl.

"Well, let's see what Pink wrote here, Pearl." Yellow Diamond replied.

Steven had written in an email that he sent to Blue and Yellow, _Congratulations! You have been given a membership for this amazing streaming service people on Earth here love! It's got all sorts of stories and entertainment to choose from! Watch whatever you desire on your big screen! Have fun! Go wild!_

Sure enough, Steven had indeed created a Netflix account for his mother's family members. The Diamonds were very curious to see what all the human hullabaloo was about.

So, using Yellow's computer, they brought up a large holographic screen to try it out on. After a little time and frustration involving some downloading and inputting numbers, they made it to the main menu. Indeed, they were greeted with hundreds, if not thousands of thumbnails that directed them to many different kinds of TV shows, movies, documentaries, anime, and cartoons.

"Oh dear, there's too many choices!" Yellow Diamond almost felt dizzy from trying to count the sheer amount of possible stuff that people liked to watch in their spare time.

Not only that, there were also so many foreign words. 'Steamy'? 'Western'? 'Cerebral'? What did it all mean to the very alien Gems? "...Pearl, we're going to need you to search up what several of these words mean." Blue Diamond asked her Pearl.

"Yes, my Diamond." Blue Pearl said quietly. And she proceeded to do so by bringing up a hologram to use Homeworld's internet browser on.

After quite some time of aimless wandering around on the selection menu, they finally came across a very intriguing movie from under the "Gay & Lesbian Movies" section called _Blue Is The Warmest Color_. My my, what a fitting name.

"This movie sure looks like it could be quite entertaining." said Blue Diamond.

"Then, it's settled. We're watching this one first." said Yellow Diamond with a smile. She selected the movie, pressed "Play", and sat down on the floor.

Blue Diamond sat down on the floor right beside Yellow Diamond (and slowly began scooching over just a bit closer to her body until she was at a point where she could comfortably lean on her if she needed to).

Blue Pearl pulled out a blanket from her gemstone, set it on the floor, sat down on it, and made herself comfortable. As Yellow Pearl walked over and sat down beside her, she didn't even realize that she was cuddling the blue Gem.

As the love story opened up and began playing, it seemed like they actually made a great first choice!

Big mistake.

Story?! That film didn't have a story! The Diamonds and their Pearls were treated to scenes of humans kissing each other and stripping their garments off to reveal their private _things_. Scenes of humans touching each other's things. Licking and sucking each other's things. Rubbing their things together. Inserting their own things into each other's things.

It was only a damn movie, but for some reason, it made them feel very funny. Why were they sweating? Why were their faces and gemstones burning hot? Why were their own nether regions feeling unusually stimulated? They wanted to bolt out of the room, but at the same time, their eyes were glued to the screen.

3 hours of torture later, the film was finally over. As soon as the credits began rolling on the screen, everything was immediately shut off. Good thing too, because everyone had lost all focus past the halfway point.

Rocking back and forth, the strange feeling in Blue Diamond's body just wouldn't dissipate. _Ahh, what to do, what to do?_ This was bad... her gem wasn't cooling down at all! Blue Diamond then looked over to see a clearly restless Yellow Diamond using both hands to cover her crotch.

 _No no no, I mustn't... I'm going to pretend that I never saw any of that..._ Yellow Diamond was in the middle of thinking of possible escape routes when she realized that Blue Diamond was watching her. She turned her head.

The two Diamond's shining eyes met. At this point, it seemed there was only one option in order to expel this sexual tension:

Copy what the actors in that movie did. (It was actually a very bad idea, by the way, but hey, nobody was thinking straight at the time.)

Blue Diamond crawled closer and closer until her face met with Yellow Diamond's, and, without warning, grabbed the other Diamond's face with both hands and kissed her on the lips.

"Blue, what are you--mmm...! ❤" Yellow Diamond started to protest, but found herself swept away by overwhelming lust. She began kissing her girlfriend back, and held her close.

"Sorry-❤" Blue Diamond quietly muttered as she wrapped her arms around Yellow Diamond and hugged her back lovingly.

Amidst the rough kissing, Blue Diamond fell down on top of Yellow Diamond. They began stripping off each other's clothes and touching each other as they continued making out.

Oh! The excitement! The stress! They could feel it—inside! Throbbing! ...Building! It was... it was, uh... EXPLOSIVE!

Watching their giant bosses get it on, Yellow Pearl eventually couldn't hold back anymore. She pulled her own blue girlfriend close to her. "Looks like we're all in need of some dire 'relief', aren't we?" Yellow Pearl snarked as she held up Blue Pearl's chin with her fingers, right before bringing in her face for a passionate kiss.

The shy Blue Pearl was flustered, but at the same time, also very eager for some action. "I suppose no harm would be done from doing it together, right?" hoped Blue Pearl.

Boy, would she ever have to eat her words!

* * *

A FEW MONTHS LATER...

* * *

At his home, Steven had received an urgent call on his personal Diamond communicator. Afraid that it could be potentially devastating news, he rounded up the rest of the main Crystal Gems so that they could hear this special announcement as well.

"What are you calling for? I-is something wrong?" he asked Blue and Yellow after they appeared in a hologram that the Diamond communicator opened up. "Are you guys okay?"

"Well, we are, but..." Yellow Diamond blushed a little and cleared her throat a few times before she spoke. "Um, please bear with us, Pink... we know this is going to sound very, very strange, but..."

"We're having a baby!" Blue Diamond announced triumphantly.

There was complete silence on both sides. Steven opened his mouth to speak. No words came out.

Then, it sank in. "Wh... but, but... HOW?!" shouted Pearl, who had immediately started flushing blue in the face.

"I... uh, I..." Blue Diamond stammered for a bit trying to find the appropriate words, but she managed to pull herself together. "I impregnated Yellow!" she confessed.

"... _You WHAT?!_ " yelled Garnet.

"Yes, she did this to me!" Yellow Diamond stood up straight to reveal her bulging belly.

The Crystal Gems were speechless.

"And I did the same to her Pearl!" Blue Pearl cheerfully piped up from below at a volume that startled everyone.

Yellow Pearl, too bashful to even speak, blushed and nodded as she shyly showed off her own bulging stomach.

Amethyst made a beeline for the nearest Warp Pad. Garnet immediately began pinching herself, hoping that this was only a bad dream. Pearl went absolutely stiff and fainted.

 _I hope this has nothing to do with that Netflix membership I bought them..._ worriedly pondered Steven.

**Author's Note:**

> Bet you weren't expecting YELLOW to be the pregnant one, were you?
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!  
> \--FalonomAfterMidnight


End file.
